When the yellow-haired boy's words dropped into my ears, they would not land there - instead, they hovered like a hummingbird working its needle-thin beak into and out of the flower. I recognized the steady buzzing of the whoosh-whoosh-whoosh of my pulse as it loomed large, affecting my ability to hear. Instinctively I knew that something had been spoken which would alter the world as I saw it - something that would split time in two pieces like halves of a log on a chopping block, axe to wedge and crack! Had I looked down at the floor at that moment, I'm nearly certain Before and After would have been lying there.
With the whoosh still looming large, I believe I might have uttered something ridiculous, like:
Areyousurereallysure and pleasedon'ttellanyone because I was talking fast and foolish and fearful.
His brown eyes, registering deep pain by the way they seemed to snap backwards into his head, did the answering for him. I babbled on senselessly, speaking without punctuation - without pause for intake of breath (where was my breath, anyway?) for far too long, but who was watching the clock any longer in a world where time had been split in half? What was the point?
I had a problem. I had a very big problem.
Before and After were, after all, lying at my feet.
This oh so familiar pain brought tears to my eyes. For all parties involved.
ReplyDeleteThe pain is so obvious on both sides! :(
ReplyDeleteYeah. Been there and done that. My son didn't have to make an announcement. I knew based on stuff I found on his computer and having raised him through 15 years. At first I thought I could pray it away. That it was just a stage he was going through as a teen. I was in denial and brainwashed by church dogma. He just couldn't be gay. It was a sin seemingly worse than murder according to those who were "Christian" leaders and my parents and family.
ReplyDeleteEventually I saw the light. My son is gay and it's okay.